Someone elses shoes

While Chad and I were struggling through several years of infertility I often found myself observing the families that were around us. At church, at work, or while shopping I would watch how families would play together, laugh together, and interact with each other. I would observe a dad take an opportunity to teach his child something new, or watch a mom soothe a crying child. Of course, I looked on with a longing in my heart and desired to have what they had. During that time I would also notice when a mother or father became frustrated when a child acted out. I always would think to myself..."how can you get so upset with such a priceless gift?" and of course, I always said to myself..."I will never be like that." Oh boy! I now realize how unrealistic my thought process was! Having dealt with infertility and now having my own children I think it's safe for me to say that being a mom is one tough job.

These past couple of weeks I have found myself at ropes end. (As every mother has and will) Kinsie is teething and has become very needy, clingy, and fussy. Britnee has discovered that she's happier being held and that being held is even better when mommy is walking around. Thus, having two little girls that are dying to be held and wanting/needing my attention has left me torn in two, almost quite literally. Neither of them are able to understand that their sister has needs too, so I'm left to decipher who's needs are the greatest at that moment in time, a process that inevitably leaves someone in tears. (Usually me.....hahaha) This, in conjunction with other things, has left my nerves worn thin and I've found myself becoming that frustrated mother that I swore I never would.

I've felt like the horrible step mother who punished Cinderella for simply existing. I, who have prayed for these two little angels to come into our home for years on end. Luckily, I have a Father in Heaven who has been able to help me get a little perspective on things. Trust me, I haven't had any type of earth shattering revelation. Instead, he has simply placed these in my way several times a day.These belong to Kinsie. I bought them a couple of weeks ago and just love them. They may be a simple pair of shoes to the average beholder, but to me they represent everything that I have ever wanted for the past 7 years. To me they represent sleepless nights, tearful prayers, heartache, pain, and fear. However, they also represent hope, faith, inexpressible joy, love, happiness, and peace. I don't know why these shoes bring out such strong feelings in me, but every time I see them I am filled with a renewed energy and love for my little girls. I once again find that strength to get through one more day. I find myself being a little more patient, a little more kind, and full of more love (if that is even possible).

So, to my old way of thinking I have to say...."what were you thinking?" Of course you are going to have some rough days, of course you are going to have those frustrating moments, and of course you're going to have a run for your money with two little girls. However, all of that is worth having them in your life.

YOU ARE BLESSED!!!

(It would have been a better picture if Britnee had been in a white onsie too, but she had just peed out of her diaper and I didn't want to miss the moment....love being a mom!)

Weekend Getaway

We've been long overdue for a family getaway, so we thought it would be nice to take the girls out to the cabin for a little R & R. I guess we underestimated just how overdue they were for that rest and relaxation!To be honest, four wheeling was the only way we could get the girls to take their naps while we were there. Even though riding the wheeler wore her out, Kinsie loved going for rides and would start flapping her arms whenever we suggested a ride. I've never had so much fun riding the four wheeler around than I did with the girls, even though my top speed was about 10 mph.Chad's grandparents came up and joined us on Friday afternoon. They stayed for dinner and offered to watch the girls while Chad and I went riding by ourselves. We went out for about an hour and came back muddy and happy! It was nice to get out and have a little bit of fun together again. Thanks G & G!!!
Once we got home we unpacked and got started on some yard work. Chad found a Gardner snake in the process and caught it so we could have a closer look at it. I grew up with a cousin who caught snakes all the time, so I was quick to touch it and play with it. We showed it to Kinsie and she immediately grabbed it and almost crushed to poor thing. I had to take some pics so I could show her in years to come how much she liked it.

My Little Pony

I just had to share some footage of my adorable little pony and her jockey.

The Girls First Easter

We kept it pretty simple this year. I decided not to do Easter dresses since it was General Conference weekend and I opted not doing baskets for the girls either. They just don't get it at this age anyway. I did get each of us a little gift and we did get together with Chad's side of the family for their annual wienie roast. Chad''s grandparents have a pretty large piece of property so we had a large egg hunt in one of their fields, got to go horseback riding, and all the kids piled onto the trailer for a tractor ride. It was a little cold, but we all had so much fun.

"Look Ma....No Hands!"

Kinsie has been standing up against the furniture, cabinets, my legs , and anything else she can get her hands onto for a couple of months now and just recently we've caught her letting go of these objects to test out her sea legs.
Now if we could just get her to move those little legs!


I had to throw in this video of Britnee because it's just too cute not to.