These past couple of weeks I have found myself at ropes end. (As every mother has and will) Kinsie is teething and has become very needy, clingy, and fussy. Britnee has discovered that she's happier being held and that being held is even better when mommy is walking around. Thus, having two little girls that are dying to be held and wanting/needing my attention has left me torn in two, almost quite literally. Neither of them are able to understand that their sister has needs too, so I'm left to decipher who's needs are the greatest at that moment in time, a process that inevitably leaves someone in tears. (Usually me.....hahaha) This, in conjunction with other things, has left my nerves worn thin and I've found myself becoming that frustrated mother that I swore I never would.
I've felt like the horrible step mother who punished Cinderella for simply existing. I, who have prayed for these two little angels to come into our home for years on end. Luckily, I have a Father in Heaven who has been able to help me get a little perspective on things. Trust me, I haven't had any type of earth shattering revelation. Instead, he has simply placed these in my way several times a day.
These belong to Kinsie. I bought them a couple of weeks ago and just love them. They may be a simple pair of shoes to the average beholder, but to me they represent everything that I have ever wanted for the past 7 years. To me they represent sleepless nights, tearful prayers, heartache, pain, and fear. However, they also represent hope, faith, inexpressible joy, love, happiness, and peace. I don't know why these shoes bring out such strong feelings in me, but every time I see them I am filled with a renewed energy and love for my little girls. I once again find that strength to get through one more day. I find myself being a little more patient, a little more kind, and full of more love (if that is even possible).So, to my old way of thinking I have to say...."what were you thinking?" Of course you are going to have some rough days, of course you are going to have those frustrating moments, and of course you're going to have a run for your money with two little girls. However, all of that is worth having them in your life.
YOU ARE BLESSED!!! (It would have been a better picture if Britnee had been in a white onsie too, but she had just peed out of her diaper and I didn't want to miss the moment....love being a mom!)
16 comments:
I did not battle with infertility near as long as you, but on a smaller spectrum I felt weighed with guilt after I finally had Marlee. I wanted her soooo bad, and then she came with reflux, and did not stop crying every evening (at least three hours straight) for 3 1/2 months! I felt so bad for being frustrated, and annoyed with my much anticipated blessing... I thought I should be jumping for joy every minute!
The only thing that I have learned that may help, is that "this to shall pass". Marlee's fussing stopped, even though there were many days I swore it wouldn't. Same is true for you... your girls will get older and easier, and as always some days will be better than others. So, take deep breathes, know that it's okay to not love every second of motherhood, let the dishes go, don't be so hard on yourself, and take lots more pics of those adorable girls!
Perfect.
Simply Perfect.
You're doing grand!!
...amazing!
You've said exactly what I've been feeling for the last couple of weeks. It is so hard some days - and yet, it is SO worth it!! Thanks for sharing.
(Kate has the same shoes - they are darling!!)
My heart is too full to say much. Thank you.
Being a mom is hard. It's okay and normal to get frustrated! You are doing a great job and those baby girls are so lucky to have you, and you them. Love you!
That was beautiful. Good thing you can look at those shoes and feel all those wonderful things.
Thanks for sharing!! You need to bring the girls over to play!
Camie, you are awesome and amazing. Thanks for sharing this. I've been struggling a lot lately with being overly stressed by every little demand my girls cry out for. I've started looking up stress relief techniques online because I know that if I don't do something about it, this could get ugly! :) :) So I'm with ya sister! ;) For me something that seems to be helping is to work on my breathing. I get so tense when I get stressed and so if I can remember to stop whatever I'm doing for a few seconds (even if I'm in the middle of washing dishes or something) and focus on taking deep breaths I've found it to be a big help. It's taken a little while to see any difference (and to even remember to do it when I'm tensing up), but it's getting easier and I feel like I'm getting better at dealing with the stressful situations. That, plus a lot of prayer and pleadings. ;) I think a loving Heavenly Father has helped me to find some methods to help. I love that the shoes do this for you. Very sweet story. Love you Camie! Hang in there!
Beautiful!
This is why I tell my kids "Mom needs a timeout" from time to time. I pray I'm the kind of Mom Heavenly Father wants me to be.
I find that those frustrating moments are needed, they make us better mommies believe it or not.
Right now I have just finished having my "Frustrating" moment. Now I can see more clearly, that I am Blessed.
Your amazing Camie!
Love you
Aunt Jenny
my word verification is worizess..LOL amazing what word pop up!
So Sweet Camie.....I have felt the exact same way (i think all moms have)especially with a 2 year old!!!
Thank you for that beautiful post, Camie. And don't worry, we've all had those moments- where we think we know best- I truly think the times when I have to "eat my words" (or thoughts) are when I learn the most. And, thanks for helping those of us who've "had it easy" remember how blessed we are to have our children. I try to put myself in your shoes, to be more empathetic for those struggling with infertility, and to have a better perspective of how amazing it really is to be a mother!
I love those wee shoes, and I love you Camie! Thanks for such a beautiful post. Sometimes being a mom is hard for me, but mostly it's wonderful.
I loved the post. First, because I am terrible at writing out my thoughts. And second, because you hit the nail right on the head.
I have had days where I just don't understand why I am not enjoying every moment that God has blessed me with to be a mother. I mean every General Conference has someone who speaks about the blessing, the joy, and the great privilage it is to be a mother. And I do agree, but then why is it so difficult to love it every minute of every day? I guess that is the gulit every mother feels from time to time.
Your girls are darling!! And if you every need help, I would LOVE to hold and cuddle a baby right now!
Being a mom is really hard at times. There is opposition in all things. It has to be that way. You have to have the really bad days to feel the really good ones. You have to have a really unproductive day to feel like you've accomplished a lot on another day. You have to be impatient to know what you are like when you are patient. Opposition. I just try to make the good out weigh the bad. Kids are so forgiving, they don't hold grudges, they don't remember the bad days like we do. I think if I make the good out weigh the bad, I'll be alright in the end.
Try to do new things too. It's hard for me cause I'm stuck in the house, but go to the park, on a walk, or do something completely different in the house and it makes a better day for kids and you. Also try and play or do something with the kids at least once a day.
Kids grow up and go through different phases and stages and that also will change things and change the routine and stuff so you don't get stuck in a rut.
It's a good thing we aren't expected to be perfect! If so I would've failed long ago! Beautiful girls! And don't worry, you aren't the only one who struggles to find patience every day! ;)
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